Few know my personal story, and it is not necessary for you to know in order to understand or relate to my thoughts on healing. But I definitely can relate to the image of this ugly desert tree that keeps growing despite all. Remember when Barbara Walters would ask her interviewees If you were a tree, which would you be? Oh, to be the mighty oak, the majestic elm, or even a small apple tree. No, I have to be this thing, growing up between rocks and sand with the brutal sun demanding my eternal allegiance or death.

Well, at least I am alive and persevering.

You may not know, I have been ‘healing’ myself for about eighteen months. It is a slow process and looks like train wreck when viewed in time-lapse with me ugly crying, laughing, raging, dancing, talking to myself, and driving my car. There were days early on when I took courses from people offer me enlightenment, alignment, and breathwork. I learned how to speak more effectively, become more confident, meditate, and use methods to calm myself. I loved all of it and needed everything offered. You see, in those early months, I didn’t even know that I needed help or healing. Pain was all I felt. Guilt and betrayal were a coin I carried. I had zero confidence and could not raise a real smile, unless it was used as a shield. I wanted desperately for someone to care about me, and that is what I felt when I joined some of these seminars and groups with teachers who shared things with me and others that I had no concept of before I came across their programs.

Many shun the concept of life coaches and so called ‘gurus’ like they are false prophets selling snake oil. Maybe some are only ‘in it for the Benjamins’ , and don’t care about the bait they are using to real in customers. The teachers I came across didn’t not give me that sense for the most part, and the benefit out-weighted cost in my opinion. But this article is not about them, just a note about how I started to improve my existence when I had zero clue about where to begin.

What I really want to say here to anyone who might be struggling with life challenges or complete destruction of the world they previously lived inside, is to find things, people, groups, books, articles, and seminars that feel like something relevant and real enough to consider helpful to you in the immediate. Because some kind of lifeline is necessary when we are sinking. You don’t need to buy the entire ship, but a real-life connection to something or someone with reasonable and verifiable validity can help keep you afloat at a minimum. It can open your eyes to truths you had not considered about yourself. Like perhaps you are worthy of a good life, that you are a decent person, and you are not meant to be stuck in a mental prison, feeling like a victim, villain, or damaged goods - permanently.

Whether you stay committed to every theory, method, and practice is up to you. Do not beat yourself up if some of it does not fit or refuses to stick. Not every avenue of healing is meant for everyone. Take what seems to work and makes sense for you. Commit to something that you can maintain.

Over the course of the past eighteen months, I have ridden a rollercoaster of emotions, behavior shifts, hitting highs and lows with my inner world coalescing with the outer. Looking over this time period, I can honestly say I have come a long way. My baby steps might not look like much to an outsider, but I’ve made major strides from the woman I was in 2024. Even that woman who was so hurt and broken, who felt nearly destroyed and hopeless was in some sense the first version of something better than she had been the year before. Sometimes we need that breaking and falling apart in order to see our reality and realize things have to get better somehow. Rock bottom can be the beginning of change.

The point of this essay is not to declare I have it all together now and want to become anybody’s guru. And really, that idea makes me want to chuckle because before 2024 ate my lunch, I believed my experiences could be an inspiration to other women. I even started writing a book in that vein. I was not completely wrong about the potential, having overcome a lot of challenges in my life, from narcissistic nemesis, social anxiety, loss of a child, a divorce, early death of parents, my children’s addictions, suicides of a friend and a relative, and a continual stalking and gaslighting situation. But, I am nobody’s guru - because after that laundry list of woes and the new one added two years ago, I figure life might just go on kicking my ass. Healing and changes are probably going to be continuous processes for me, and occasional meltdowns will happen. I am growing but it’s an imperfect, sideways, process.

What I do know is how it feels to be in survival mode, to feel isolated, to think that nobody else understands, to not be heard, to not feel hand helping hand, to fight to get up everyday despite everything, to choose to live and try to keep going because something inside me won’t let me stop. I am much better off than I have ever been in my life, and that is because I have become more aware of myself and other facets of this crazy existence. I have learned to see myself as more than a target what must absorb the impact of everybody else’s opinions about who I am. I can believe in and care about myself and make what I want important - a concept that did not cross my radar in the past.

What I hate is knowing there are potentially other women out there who are hurting and feel as alone and hurting as I have and perhaps also don’t have that support system ready to help or even believe them.

For this reason I am starting a support community for those who have experienced major life challenges or changes that have knocked them down. I want to offer a place to come together for some conversations and see what ideas I can share that can help someone else. Community, connection and understanding are keys to keeping us out of isolation and on the path to healing and feeling better.

More to come.

Thank you,

Anne

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Ironwood Lounge Podcast:

Each of us has a story we can share to inspire or help someone else, but sometimes we don’t realize this because we think of ourselves as ordinary with nothing extraordinary to tell. Ironwood Lounge with Anne J Sharp believes the stories most needed to reach other people are not from those who are famous successes but of women who have lived through real fires of life and come out with the parts of themselves they have reforged, made into something even more capable and enduring. We are the stories that our daughters and granddaughters, and even sons need to hear. We are Ironwood women, and we may not be written into the history books, but can refuse to let our stories die without a voice.

A Calling for the Future Our Daughters Deserve

Dear Reader,

In August 2025, I created a three-part podcast series called Changing Her Story for the Woman Rising blog, a mission that I truly believe in. Over several months, I lost my focus, wrapped up in other ideas and endeavors, or so I thought. A realization came to me that I haven’t lost sight of my mission, but have been looking for the way. This idea of the way resurfaced the other night due to Easter and all things related, giving ‘the way’ for my own mission returned clarity. I re-remembered that ‘the way’ is me. The way is you. We are planks in the bridge and stones on the path for those who come next or who need help now. By living, speaking, and writing about what is necessary to make our way, to create change. The process is a movement, and the movement is continuous. We all matter. The following is episode four in the Changing Her Story series.

For the past month or so, I have been recalibrating and determining my primary objectives and goals for my non-fiction writing and podcast. A few days ago, an incident surfaced on Substack for another female writer that became more than uncomfortable for her. It frightened her to some level. We never really know who we are dealing with on the internet. This person could be more than obsessive, a potential psychopath. If a woman has already experienced a trauma, something like this can set off the alarms, and the protective walls come up, either way. She shuts down until able to feel safe again.

This incident reminded me of the primary objective I have here. To bring awareness, give support, and shine a light on women’s issues. I can’t abide injustice, but worse is that which slides beneath the radar. The things that women have been trained to accept as just a meaningless comment, a little incident, a harmless joke. I am speaking up in solidarity with women and girls because we want things to change, but often we are embarrassed into silence. Our fears are still trivialized by the very people (with more power) whom we ask to hear us or help us.

I have experienced situations of diminishment, disregard, and disposability. I asked for help and was pushed aside as irrelevant to real cases and causes. I was not bleeding from wounds, nor at immediate risk of death by physical attack or weapon. Therefore, my voice was not relevant. Women experience psychological and emotional abuses that leave invisible scars, traumas that often settle within. Post-traumatic Stress is not reserved for soldiers alone. Women are two to three times more likely to experience PTSD than men.

Women, for example, are typically exposed to more interpersonal and high-impact trauma, such as sexual assault, than men, and at a younger age. Sexual assault carries one of the highest risks for PTSD, according to research. In addition, trauma early in life often has a greater impact, particularly when it involves multiple traumatic events. Traumatic stress affects different areas of the brains of boys and girls at different ages, and can interfere with neurobiological development and personality. Chronic fear, for example, whether in response to actual or anticipated threat, can lead to repeated activation of the physiological stress response system, the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis, altering the regulation of glucocorticoids such as cortisol.

American Psychological Association (APA)

Ref article: Women who experience trauma are twice as likely as men to develop PTSD. – Amy Novotny (June 2024)

Even physical abuses without a witness are often disbelieved when complaints are raised. Worse, there is no boundary line, no safe social space, but assumptions remain that race, status, and finances make for different realities.

On the surface, our society seems to be fairly balanced. Women are rising in all facets of this human structure, as are other minority groups, too. People assume, or take for granted, that things are much improved in these modern times. But the reality is different, especially with the rise of our technologies. It is easier than ever for predators to gain access to their targets. This is reality, and more rampant than many know, until it reaches them. We can be harassed in ways that can be disregarded as a misinterpretation. We can be stalked all across our social media platforms. Reputations, lives, and mental health have been destroyed for the entertainment of evil people. The use of AI tools makes this even easier, copying our presence, appearance, and personas. You can imagine the possibilities for personal damage exploding as technology improves if digital civil safeguards do not exceed the potential.

Aside from the cyber world, stories of abuse surface even in areas that we believed were safe. When we discover the people near to us are affected by abuse, though we thought they were safe. Never suspecting anything was wrong because it was kept silent, either out of fear or embarrassment. Daughters telling shocking stories of abuse, both physical and mental, months or years after the fact. After the perpetrator is well out of reach.

We have to open those lines of communication early for our daughters. They must feel safe to speak up when they experience something that shakes them or is traumatic. In the earlier years of my career, back in the 1980’s, some male co-workers would hit on women (you may remember), whether verbal innuendos or ‘accidental’ but inappropriate physical contact. The key takeaway when I mentioned it to older women in my office was don’t bother saying anything. It was simply part of the deal. It was the way it was. This attitude from women who are our role models literally lubricated the environment we worked in and kept voices silent and the nervous laugh functional. Don’t make waves. Nope. Instead, we gave them validation that we actually liked their behavior.

That kind of harassment in the office has dialed back, I’m sure, but we still hear a story surface from time to time, and the woman is not always believed. If the perpetrator is someone in a powerful position, she is less likely to speak up. If she does have the courage, she will need to be able to withstand the campaign against her. The mass humiliation and demolition of her character as every facet of her existence will be put through a microscopic autopsy. One woman comes to the forefront immediately. Monica Lewinsky. She nearly did not live through the experience. Almost took her life over the humiliation and harassment she was put through, exasperated by the media. Women turned as feral as the men against her, and all for the love and protection of a president.

Where was the sisterhood of women?

Where was the support for women’s power when a woman spoke up for

herself?

Monica Lewinsky

(Wikipedia credit)

She had to leave the country and somehow found the will to not only overcome but to rise from the wreckage of her destruction. Today, Ms. Lewinski is a writer, podcaster, and activist focused on anti-bullying and social justice. There are others, of course, more recently. But she stood out to me, maybe because she was this young female intern who was so easy to destroy. I can imagine being twenty-three and having a boss, let alone a world leader, manipulate a young woman into feeling she had to comply with his suggestions. Why would we immediately think to blame the girl as the one who persuaded him? Especially when we all know the woman she would have had to deal with if the truth came out. Not safe. Yet, the media painted her a slut and plastered it everywhere, because she was insignificant.

I don’t think my daughters, granddaughters, or yours are insignificant. I believe it is up to us to give them the power of self-worth and a voice that matters. Fill them up with confidence each day, like you are their bootcamp sergeant for posterity, and as if the fate of the world depends on her. It is, and it does. You’re not about creating TikTok influencers prancing around with performance confidence. But women who can handle themselves won’t be fooled, controlled, or manipulated – and will fire on all cylinders if necessary when someone tries to pull some ridiculous crap. Let your daughter be so strong inside that when she walks into kindergarten the first day, she’s mistaken for a miniaturized version of the teacher.

That’s how confident and chill we want our girls. Strong, aware, unafraid, and compassionate. This foundational structure forges the knowing that loving herself is the key to recognizing the love of others. She will bring that gift for humanity, too.

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Thank you for listening/reading.

Annette Sharp

Welcome to Ironwood, a podcast/publication sharing inspiring stories about strength, courage, resilience, and hope about and for women. As a writer, artist, and advocate for women and teens facing life challenges, I wanted to create a hub were we can come together to give and receive inspiration. Many times I have heard the words You know what you should do or what your calling is when you don’t think you are fit to do it, or it seems to difficult. So, I guess this is my calling. I am not an expert, but an ordinary woman who has experienced many things. I don’t feel fit to speak publicly, but I know it is also the most effective way to reach people I want to help and to build trust.

Ironwood tells stories, some of them personal to me, others about admirable women who have become Ironwood women, facing challenges, making personal transformations, and affecting the futures of all our descendants through their examples of strength, courage, resilience, and hope.

Of course, these women are humble, never seeking recognition, and many never realizing their effect at all. This is the crux of being a woman, the quiet successes that are barely noticed, and the real reason I want to lift other women.

When you are struggling, it can feel like the whole world is against you. You often feel alone, unsupported, confused, scared, and still you get up every day and wade through that neck-high mud bog. People have turned their backs, shut you out, and talked badly about you everywhere, but there is something else, too.

Someone is watching you with admiration in their hearts. They have been cheering for you silently, praying that you’ll make it because you are their flagship of hope. A symbol of possibility. And someday, when you are clapping for someone else’s success, they may turn to you and say, “Thank you. This is because of you.”

I’d like to open with an understanding of the concept behind the Ironwood podcast. You are likely familiar with Ironwood as a type of tree among which a variety of trees are considered a part. In the context here, I am speaking about the desert variety that grows where conditions are harsh, water scarce, and survival requires quiet endurance and still has the audacity to bloom. The Ironwood tree’s inherent traits are metaphorical symbols reflecting a state of being of our own potential and existence, representing strength, resilience, courage and hope.

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Ironwood is one of the hardest and most dense woods in the world. Its strength can dull tools that try to cut it. Yet the tree does not appear imposing. It grows slowly and humbly in the desert soil.

The Ironwood has courage to grow in the most demanding of environments – the desert – tapping into limited resources with frugal care. Its extensive root system reaches deep into the earth, allowing the tree to find water. Even in the most desperate seasons of drought, the desert Ironwood tree continues to live, grow, and bloom.

In the Spring, it blooms with delicate lavender-purple blossoms. Bringing soft beauty to a rugged landscape, as well as nourishing seeds of continuing life. Ironwood is called the Nurse Tree, giving shade, shelter, and sustenance to other plants and wildlife so that they might survive, too.

An Ironwood woman mirrors the desert tree. Her inner strength develops over time and through experience. Strength that is neither loud nor aggressive but unbreakable. Strength born from seasons of difficulty. She bends but does not break, winding into growth that may look imperfect, sometimes coiling or moving sideways, and still creating something stronger within herself.

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An Ironwood woman has the courage to trust her senses and make her own decisions. Her courage builds confidence to find her purpose, reach her desires, fulfill her needs, and define her identity, regardless of the external world’s resistance to her expansion. She moves forward on her own terms, even when outcomes are not promised.

An Ironwood woman’s inner wisdom, memory, and identity are the anchor in the face of storms, adding to her mastery in the ability to stand strong. Rooted within self-knowledge, acceptance, and belief in herself, she owns her value, maintains balance, and nourishes body, spirit, heart, and mind. She continues to bloom with hope, create beauty, and carry love despite hardship.

This all sounds beautiful and kind of easy, it’s not. An Ironwood woman has weathered struggle, not in perfection but with awareness, observant and yet active. She is a flame among many who glimmer along life’s path, offering light for another to find her way. It doesn’t mean she’s reached the end of the rainbow, but simply that she has enough firmed up ground beneath her boots to turn and hold out a hand, or hand you the beef jerky.

So, welcome to Ironwood, where determination kicks open the door, strides inside with muddy boots, shaggy hair, and a crooked smile. Grab something bold, hot, or cold – I’ll take a triple-shot mocha latte – maybe, a fistful of Cheetos – whatever suits your taste and style. Come, put up your feet, sit by my side to design life with leather, teeth, and a hip check, and talk about ways we never say die!

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